i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize