Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
