I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize