My cat gives me a boner
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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