so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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