This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
