he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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