why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
