I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
