i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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