When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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