Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
