I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
