just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
