tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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