I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
