Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
