so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize