you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You are the jesus of drinking
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
