i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
