you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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