ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
