Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
