i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
