What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
