You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Im part way to drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
