so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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