They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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