That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
