Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Shame is for Republicans.
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