Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
