You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
