just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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