my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need to calm my uterus...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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