I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
