my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
