apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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