i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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