I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want to fling myself into the sun
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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