i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Houston, we have a squirter
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
