I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
