He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
