well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
