just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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