I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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