Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize