i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
