He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
