The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
