You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
