At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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