I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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