you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
