i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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