Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
