Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
