why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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