Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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