Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
