I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
