Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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