My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
