Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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