I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
