If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
