first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
They took my balls.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
