Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
