my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize