Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This house was built for laser tag.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
