we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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