Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize