Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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