i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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